Monthly Archives: November 2015

Safety Precautions To Take When Meeting Your Online Date For The First Time

With scams taking place all over, the dating world has not been left behind. When you are looking for love online, you really cannot be sure of what the real intentions of the other person are. It is important that you remember your safety no matter how much you think you like and trust someone. You really can’t leave loopholes until you are certain that the both of you are reading from the same script.

The test comes hard when you decide to meet face to face because you may never know what the other person has planned out for the date. For this reason it helps to take a few safety precautions just to be sure. You should actually uphold them for a few more one on one meetings until you feel comfortable with your date and until they have earned your trust.

1. Meet in a public place

This can’t be said enough times; you really are safer when in the public eye than when in a private setting. Meeting in a public place makes it hard for both of you to indulge in anything too fast, but at the same time it helps keep any ill motives at bay. Choose a nice place where you can have some fun, but let it be in public.

2. Choose your meeting time carefully

It is one thing to meet in public, but quite another if you are going to get there late in the evening when everyone else is leaving; it does not give you any form of security. Make sure that you time the date in such a way that you meet in broad daylight and when there are other people around. Don’t meet too early or too late and if possible make it clear to your date that you if they don’t show up by a certain time you would have to leave.

3. Inform someone of your whereabouts

This is very important because at least your family and friends would know where to start looking for you in case they get the jitters. If you are a woman and you are not very sure about how things will turn out, you can have someone accompany you and keep watch from a distance just to give you that extra comfort.

4. Carry a phone with you

It makes it easy for your family or friends to reach you and for you to reach them too in case of anything. Make sure you recharge your battery and load the phone with enough airtime just so you remain covered while you are out on the date.

5. Go home alone

No matter how good the date goes, do not allow your date to walk you or accompany you home; this is something that can come later. It is actually advisable that you keep your home address a secret until much later when the relationship has progressed and you feel a need to open up to each other a little more.

Online Otley dating can be fun, but you really cannot assume that everything will work out as you want or desire. Always keep your safety in mind, no matter what; you can never be too sure.

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The Fear of Being Excluded

Many of us grew up experiencing, in one way or another, the pain of being excluded. Perhaps you felt excluded at home – by parents or siblings, or with friendships at school or outside of school. As a child, being excluded is deeply crushing. Children don’t have the ability to not take things personally, so being excluded likely contributes to our shame and insecurity.

Gretchen asked me for advice about her fear of exclusion and rejection:

“I have a fear of being excluded which goes back to my days in junior high school where I was part of a group of three friends. Two of us would be friends while excluding the third. This dynamic would rotate around the three of us frequently. My painful memories are of those times when I was the one who was left out and called names. I think the exclusion of the third person is what united and bonded the other two friends. To this day I am fearful of being excluded and so easily feel left out even in benign situations. It is also mixed with a heavy fear of rejection, which I am hyper-vigilant to. I believe the whole world belongs except me. I suffer from depression, which may contribute to this feeling. I would be grateful if you could advise how I may go about freeing myself from this pain.”

The first thing Gretchen would need to do is learn and practice Inner Bonding so that she can start to become aware of how she is excluding and rejecting herself. Very often, when I ask clients to go inside and ask how their inner child feels about them, the answer is something like this:

“I feel ignored by you. You barely know I’m here. You never listen to me. You put a lot of pressure on me to do things ‘right,’ and you often tell me I’m not good enough. Others are always more important to you than I am. I hate that you keep numbing me with food (or other addictions).”

As long as you are excluding and rejecting yourself by ignoring your feelings, judging yourself, numbing your feelings with addictions and/or making others responsible for your feelings and then giving yourself up to get their approval, your inner child will feel excluded and rejected by you. Then, your inner self-abandonment gets projected onto others and, like Gretchen, you may feel depressed and believe that you don’t belong in this world. Depression is a frequent result of self-abandonment.

When you learn to love and value yourself, and to define your own intrinsic worth that isn’t based on looks, achievements or others’ approval, you will find yourself no longer even thinking about whether or not people are rejecting you. When you are consistently including yourself by listening to your feelings and your Guidance, and taking loving action in your own behalf, you will feel full and happy inside, with a lot of love to share with others. You will find that others are drawn to you when you love yourself and are full of love to share, whereas the more you reject yourself, the more you will feel rejected by others.

People often mirror how we treat ourselves, so the more you learn to love and value yourself, the more you will experience love and valuing from others. Feelings of exclusion and rejection become experiences of the past when you practice Inner Bonding and learn to love yourself.

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Love Is A Gift

The one thing that makes loves hard to understand is the fact that we try to understand it with the mind while we can only understand it by heart. Love is a gift that God granted to us so freely by giving His only son to save us from sin. We in turn naturally extend this love to people around us and even though you could end up loving two people in two different ways, it is love nonetheless. There is really nothing that is more beautiful than to have the ability to love others and nothing feels better than to have others love you.

Where do we go wrong?

Today love appears overrated and not very many people know how it really feels to love and to give love as the gift that it is supposed to be. By trying to love using our heads, we have ended up sliding love into sexuality and when this happens, we lose the true meaning of love. Most people today are those that love expecting something in return but love as a gift should be given without expecting anything in return. When we end up having expectations simply because we love, then getting disappointed is easy which explains why there are so many sad and unhappy relationships today.

When you love, then you will want the best for the other person and you wouldn’t be too inclined in what they give back to you. Actually the fact remains that not many people will make you feel appreciated for the good you do onto them and when you focus on this lack, then you could even lose your ability to love and appreciate people around you. Love should be given as a gift in that you do it to make others happy and to make them feel you care without really hoping that they will gift you back. When you are able to give love happily and without any expectations, then you will definitely be more fulfilled and content.

How to love

Before anything else, you must learn to love yourself before you can love people around you. When you love yourself, you will feel happy whether you are single, in a relationship or in a marriage. Marriages based on love survive the test of time compared to those unions that are based on other conveniences they offer such as financial stability. To love yourself, concentrate on your traits and accept any flaws you are not comfortable with. When you accept yourself for the person you are then you will be confident and content, hence making it easier for you to extend the love to people around you.

Feeling inadequate can have negative effects on your confidence and self-esteem and this affects your view of love and how you give it. By accepting the person you are, you will know your worth and you will also manage to see others for who they are regardless of their flaws. When this balance is achieved, you most definitely will be able to share love as valuable gift.

Relationships are based on love, but how you look at love determines the value those relationships hold and how meaningful they turn to be in your life and the lives of others.

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