Category Archives: Relationships

There Could Possibly Be Indications That Your Romance Is Not Over

Relationships can be difficult at best. An individual might imagine almost all is going very well and abruptly your partner determines that some time aside might be best. You ponder precisely how you’ll be able to go from loving someone one minute never to wanting to be around these folks the next. Break ups are incredibly very challenging to the feelings. Anyone could have doubts. You question what happened. You question what you could have done to maintain the connection balanced. You miss your partner and also question constantly does my ex still love me.

Occasionally folks head out his or her separate ways simply to allow them to have time and energy to figure things out. Maybe many people do not understand when they are the sort man or woman to stay in a lasting partnership. Possibly believe that some distance will be a great idea. This really is irritating to you personally, however. You take a seat and hold out not knowing what to anticipate. You keep in mind signs my ex still loves me all over the place. You speculate how to tell if my ex still loves me. You examine social networking continually to find out if there’s a information about that may possibly express your ex’s genuine sensations.

You could be on target together with the examining involving social networking. Not surprising that this is a good way to tell if my ex still loves me or not. Your partner could be contacting friends for you. You could possibly make a post about your emotions along with your past spouse likes it or maybe will make a opinion. If you get a nighttime text from your old flame while he or she can be not in full control, that is the pretty good indicator that you will be still about the thoughts. Maybe your ex lover is appearing in some of the locations you used to visit regularly collectively. this will likely mean they are really feeling nostalgic relating to your romance. Possibly a possibility gathering there may rekindle previous sensations. Often folks should just have a break to find simply how much they might handle the other. So in the event that this kind of fits your needs, be aware that all will not be misplaced. Always keep aware for virtually any signals that your romantic relationship may not be over and also be hopeful. You may possibly just reconcile after all. Just Keep in mind to look for those indications.

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Forgiveness When a Relationship

FORGIVENESS never seemed a struggle for me until I found myself in a situation where wrong had been done to me and there was absolutely no burden felt by the other side. And to give you an indication of how much I’d been blessed by God in the extension of forgiving grace, I’d forgiven a major marital infidelity in my first marriage.

Having attended the ‘church of AA’ at the time, I was skilfully coached through the blessings of journeying with my responsibility and not my blame. Still, to have a partner of over a decade move you out so they could establish a relationship with a new partner, and to reach a place of real forgiveness and understanding in less than nine months, that was God’s blessed grace – a miracle I have no power of explanation for. Though it wavered for a time, I never lost respect for nor the friendship of this first spouse. And, to that end, I thought forgiveness was easy.

But for some issues forgiveness is not easy – and it can seem impossible.

FORGIVING SOMEONE WHO SHARES NO BURDEN OF RESPONSIBILITY

This is the hardest issue; where there’s no responsibility taken for the mess. In such situations where people we’re in conflict with aren’t sorry, and worse, when they can only point their finger at us, we’re left feeling infuriated.

Of course, some people don’t understand because they’ve got no desire to understand; they don’t want to compromise nor see that the way they treated us was uncaring. They may not have a heart to reconcile matters. I’m assuming here that we’re the ones who’ve owned our side of the mess; we’ve done our apologising and reparation.

For some, it’s more important being right than having right relationships. And, even though that is a foolish way to live, we have to respect their right to live as they see fit. But living as we see fit is opposed to God’s purposes, when God would have us reconcile to make the relationship right. Being right is secondary to the relationship in the Lord’s eyes.

RECEIVING AN APOLOGY WE MAY NEVER RECEIVE

Many of us are waiting on an apology we may never receive. I’ve heard many encouraging stories from pastors who, years and even decades later, received someone’s heartfelt apology. We should live in hope that people are close enough to God that his Holy Spirit may convict their hearts to reconcile unreconciled matters. Of course, we need to follow this ourselves, ardently.

In the meantime, we can take their avoidance of us as an indicator that they’re uncomfortable without being sorry. We can take their ongoing mistrust of us as an indicator that they anticipate that we cannot trust them either. We can be thankful that relations don’t need to be close. And yet we ought to pray that one day there would be an opportunity to reconcile.

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We don’t know how much we need God’s strength until we have to forgive someone who isn’t sorry, and accept an apology we may never receive.

God’s wisdom bears repeating: it’s better to be in right relationship with people than to be right. When we think we’re right, more often than not we’re wrong. Just thinking that we’re right means we’re blind to the portion of wrong we cannot see.

Relationships are a two-way street, no matter whether it’s family, church or work. One-way relationships only work if the person doing all the work is empowered by God’s grace.

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The Fear of Being Excluded

Many of us grew up experiencing, in one way or another, the pain of being excluded. Perhaps you felt excluded at home – by parents or siblings, or with friendships at school or outside of school. As a child, being excluded is deeply crushing. Children don’t have the ability to not take things personally, so being excluded likely contributes to our shame and insecurity.

Gretchen asked me for advice about her fear of exclusion and rejection:

“I have a fear of being excluded which goes back to my days in junior high school where I was part of a group of three friends. Two of us would be friends while excluding the third. This dynamic would rotate around the three of us frequently. My painful memories are of those times when I was the one who was left out and called names. I think the exclusion of the third person is what united and bonded the other two friends. To this day I am fearful of being excluded and so easily feel left out even in benign situations. It is also mixed with a heavy fear of rejection, which I am hyper-vigilant to. I believe the whole world belongs except me. I suffer from depression, which may contribute to this feeling. I would be grateful if you could advise how I may go about freeing myself from this pain.”

The first thing Gretchen would need to do is learn and practice Inner Bonding so that she can start to become aware of how she is excluding and rejecting herself. Very often, when I ask clients to go inside and ask how their inner child feels about them, the answer is something like this:

“I feel ignored by you. You barely know I’m here. You never listen to me. You put a lot of pressure on me to do things ‘right,’ and you often tell me I’m not good enough. Others are always more important to you than I am. I hate that you keep numbing me with food (or other addictions).”

As long as you are excluding and rejecting yourself by ignoring your feelings, judging yourself, numbing your feelings with addictions and/or making others responsible for your feelings and then giving yourself up to get their approval, your inner child will feel excluded and rejected by you. Then, your inner self-abandonment gets projected onto others and, like Gretchen, you may feel depressed and believe that you don’t belong in this world. Depression is a frequent result of self-abandonment.

When you learn to love and value yourself, and to define your own intrinsic worth that isn’t based on looks, achievements or others’ approval, you will find yourself no longer even thinking about whether or not people are rejecting you. When you are consistently including yourself by listening to your feelings and your Guidance, and taking loving action in your own behalf, you will feel full and happy inside, with a lot of love to share with others. You will find that others are drawn to you when you love yourself and are full of love to share, whereas the more you reject yourself, the more you will feel rejected by others.

People often mirror how we treat ourselves, so the more you learn to love and value yourself, the more you will experience love and valuing from others. Feelings of exclusion and rejection become experiences of the past when you practice Inner Bonding and learn to love yourself.

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Type of Relationship Do You Have

Relationships are more than what we want but they are what we need to be our happiest selves. Unfortunately, they don’t come automatically. Most of us have in our minds what a “good” relationship looks like and we choose partners that fit into that mindset. We’ve all seen couples who seem mismatched, while others appear as if they were meant to be. The following are the top 10 different types of relationships:

The On/Off Couple

First on our list of the top 10 different types of relationships is the on/off couple. This is the couple that gets into a fight at Noon and are back in love by lunchtime. It’s a tug of war with every topic of discussion. Each wants to be right and the solution to a problem is to break up. But they realize they don’t want to be apart, so in no time they are together again.

The Motivational Couple

It’s always good to have that person that encourages you no matter what. This couple finds a way to pump each other up, regardless if it’s getting out of bed in the morning or attending class. Being each other’s cheerleader keeps this relationship at full speed.

The “Married” Couple

Some couples have spent so much time together they complete each other’s sentences and get on each other’s nerves – like a real husband and wife! Marriage may be way down the road for this couple but they certainly know how to play.

The Fitness Couple

These two probably met each other at the gym. They work out together, can be seen running all the time, and wear exercise gear everywhere they go. They are the most physically fit couple you know and fitness is a way of life.

The Hipster Couple

They like music that doesn’t exist yet, eat food that hasn’t been heard of yet, and go to the coolest places no one has ever been. They are the cool, hipster couple in their own hip world! You can always learn what’s new from them.

The Long Distance Couple

How sweet is this couple? Well, their cell phone bill probably is not so sweet, because that is their main form of communication. This couple texts like crazy and Skypes until the heavens part. Each second of their free time is spent on-line.

The Too Comfortable Couple

How do you know you’re too comfortable? When you don’t mind your honey brushing their teeth, while you’re on the toilet. And you have a full-on conversation. Yep, you’re too comfortable.

The Love Birds

These two need a room – all the time! This couple can’t get enough of each other and make their friends either envious or sick to the stomach by their PDA!

The Hippy Couple

Remember that couple who lived across the hall from you that wore thrift store clothes, flowers in their hair, and proclaimed peace and love could save the world? Well, that is the hippy couple for you.

The Instagram Couple

Instagram is the most popular social media app we have today. This couple does not disappoint! They can always be found taking selfies and searching for that perfect place to take them. They are driven by the number of likes and comments they get.

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Why Do Some People Think They Are Superior To Men/Women?

When one thinks about the opposite gender, they may start to think about some of the men/women that they know. Through doing this, they could reflect on what they are like and the kind of qualities they they bring to the world.

One could then see that there are things that they can do that someone else can’t do, or it could be the other way around. Along with this, one may find that some of these people have similar qualities to them.

Respect

But regardless of whether this is the case; they could still find that they respect these people. As a result, one is not going to see themselves as being in competition with the people they know of the opposite gender.

And while some of these people could be their family members; there are others who could be their friends and colleagues, for instance. This is not to say that they will have this outlook when it comes to every man/woman they know.

Part of Life

It could be said that this is to be expected, and this is because it is not going to be possible for one to feel connected to every man/woman they come into contact with. Not only that, they are likely to find that they can’t stand to be around some of them.

So while they will feel good when they think about some of the men/women they know; this is not always going to be the case. If they were to reflect on why they feel different, it could be due to a number of reasons.

The Reasons

One may start to think about how someone doesn’t take the time to greet them, doesn’t listen to them or talks down on them, for instance. Through behaving in this way, one could find it hard to spend time with them.

But if they do spend time with them, they could find they it has a negative effect on their well-being. And although this outlook relates to the opposite gender, it is likely to be an outlook they would have if even if these people were the same gender.

Behaviour

What this then shows is that the challenges they have with the people of the opposite gender relates to their behaviour as opposed to anything else. Thus, is these people were to change, one may find that their outlook changes.

This is also emphasised by the fact that there are people of the opposite gender who they respect. However, if one had this outlook when it came to every member of the opposite sex, it would be a sign that it relates to something deeper.

The Superior Gender

When it relates to something deeper, it could be a sign that one believes that the opposite gender is not at the same level as their gender. As a result of this, it won’t matter whether a man/woman changes their behaviour.

Ultimately, they are going to be seen as inferior, and this means that it won’t matter how they behave or what they bring to the world. Also, one may say that it is not simply something they believe; it could be seen as the truth.

Support

Their outlook could also be backed up by some of the people they spend their time with, and this will give them the validation they need. But even if they don’t have people around them who support them, there is a strong chance that they will be able to find this support on the internet.

This comes down to the fact that there will be plenty of information online that supports their outlook, and this will also give them the chance to speak to like-minded people. Therefore, as long as one has some kind of device, they can receive the support they want no matter where they are.

More Evidence

If one is fairly convinced that they have the right outlook, they will be supported by going online. But even if one is not completely convinced that they are right, this could soon change.

What this comes down to is that as long as they are open to the idea that one gender is superior to the other, it will be a lot easier for them to be conditioned. It is then similar to someone who only goes shopping to buy a few things and ends up coming home with bags of things; they wanted to buy things and they were in an environment where this could take place.

Open and Closed

When it comes to information that supports their view, they will be only too happy to hear about it. Yet when it comes to information that goes against their view; there is not much of them being able to take it in.

It will then be normal for them to ignore or to dismiss anything that goes against their outlook. So unless they are willing to change, it is highly unlikely that they will be able to see life differently.

A Closer Look

If someone was able to look into when one first developed the outlook that one gender is superior to the other, they may find that it took place in their older years. But at the same time, it may have be the result of what took place during their younger years.

During this time, their same sex parent may have treated their opposite sex parent as though they were worthless. Or they may have been abused and/or neglected by their opposite sex parent.

Consequences

If the former took place, it would have caused one to be falsely empowered, and this is because they would have ended up developing a dysfunctional idea of the opposite sex. The parent who looked down on the other parent would have been disconnected from their own shame.

But if the latter took place, it would have caused one to feel as though they were inferior, and in order to avoid feeling this way, they would have gone to the other extreme. The parent who abused and/or neglected them would have also been disconnected from their own shame.

Awareness

If one can relate this and wants to get back in touch with their own humanity, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.

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