General advice isn’t extremely helpful when it comes to dating. Even if you listen to so called gurus or love relationship experts, it doesn’t always work in the way it should, the way it’s “guaranteed to work.” Advice needs to be tailored to the situation. A hard rocker will not be looking for the same kind of date as a minister, that’s obvious, right? Differences in men and women, their personality types, must be acknowledged as well as individual tastes and mores.
When Dating Rules Are Defied
Clichés (like the old pick up line) are based on ideas that occasionally work, but you also have to realize that gender stereotypes are simply not as true as they used to be, not anymore. Nowadays, women are making the first move and guys are not threatened by it. More women are career-focused, while some men enjoy being stay-at-home dads. Dating rules change.
As you look for romance, you must realize that not every person you meet is going to fall into a neatly defined category. You may even meet someone who is completely without labels, and who challenges your notion of what dating means! What do you when someone can’t be explained as easily as “the jock” or “the cheerleader?”
First, you become fully acquainted with who YOU are. What are your goals and desires for life? Do you fully understand what you are willing to sacrifice for that lifestyle? There is no lifestyle that does not require some elimination of choices and limiting of options. Be sure that you can be happy with your choice. Listen to the advice and experiences of others, but do not assume that just because others did it you can do it too. You need references, but only to make up your own mind.
And of course there are…
Dating Rules That Never Change
There are some basics of human psychology that remain firm, even as social attitudes change. When you form a relationship, you must make yourself vulnerable to pain. Putting up walls does not foster a good relationship. The art of connecting with another person requires patience, a natural curiosity and the ability to talk, to be vulnerable. It involves discussion and the desire to learn about each other with a genuine interest in that person’s life.
We should, above all, be honest to others and to ourselves about what we want out of dating. For instance, these next dating rules are more about courtesy than any manipulation or trick.
You should never:
· Lead someone on, pretending to be interested just to be nice. That could be the worst of both worlds, someone overly attached to you, and sending out signals that you are taken to someone you would like to know.
· Have sex with a person if he/she has expectations you can’t meet. The temptation is always there, but it can create problems that have life changing outcomes, sometimes much worse than you even think. (Er, Fatal Attraction anybody?)
· Lie about who you are. It’s weak and may well get back to someone you do care about. In this overly informed world of social networking, never assume that you will ever be able to maintain a secret forever. If you do not want it publicized, don’t do it.
· Make excuses about your desires or hopes, or try to hide what you’re looking for. It shows that you do not really care about or respect yourself.
· Isolate yourself or “wait” for an opportunity to come by, because it will seldom come out of the blue. You get out of your dating life what you are willing to put into it, nothing more.
· Be afraid of rejection. It’s part of life. Most people in the dating scene can relate to the cold shoulder. Remember that may be a bigger statement about the other person than about you. You should not second guess yourself or make excuses or talk yourself out of taking a chance. The only time you are absolutely assured of failure is if you do nothing.
· Fixate on someone that doesn’t return your affection. It’s always a dead-end. Communicate with the people you like in life and who like you back; plain and simple.
Dating Rules on How to Understand You!
In the end, the best thing you can do for yourself is to use your natural voice and maybe even act a little more extroverted than usual. We tend to fixate on romance rather than life, and that is a mistake. If you are living your life and are open to others joining you, you will find the romance and companionship that you desire with relative ease. You will eventually meet people with common interests if you follow the things you like, and coincidentally, that makes for the best dates.
Never allow your “aloneness” (a good thing sometimes) to become loneliness (a dangerous thing). Desperation will always draw either depression, or even worse, it will attract people who are the least likely to make you happy! That’s right, you guessed it, we mean dysfunctional types.
As you date, realize that the most truly alluring person that you can be is yourself. Being yourself will draw people who are most like you, and most likely to appreciate you, closer. Start loving that person looking back in the mirror.